


Must Review Safety Protocols More Often

by st_mick



Series: Niffler [10]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Torchwood
Genre: AU - non canon, Gwen put in her place, Ianto needs some time, M/M, Question is will she stay there, Rough Play Gone Wrong, S02 Ep09 - Somthing Borrowed, S02 Ep10 - From Out of the Rain, S02 Ep11 - Adrift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 09:41:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17958098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_mick/pseuds/st_mick
Summary: AU events for "Something Borrowed" and "From Out of the Rain", and an unpleasant coda to "Adrift", though it does get better.Trigger warning for dub-con (sort of).Ianto runs away (sort of).Gwen is put on notice to get her act together.Jack and Ianto begin to work things out.





	Must Review Safety Protocols More Often

In order to give everyone a bit of time and distance, Jack told Gwen not to come in during the two weeks leading up to her wedding.  She came back to the hub once during that time, in order to apologize to Jack for her behavior.  She blamed wedding jitters.  He allowed her to save face by accepting her explanation, but he made it clear that a great deal would have to be done to rebuild trust within the team.

Due to entirely unrelated circumstances, the team almost missed the wedding.  Toshiko woke up that morning, shocked to find that she was heavily pregnant after being bitten by a shape-shifting alien the night before.  Owen managed to use the singularity scalpel to remove the alien egg just as the Nostrovite mother tried to attack.  Jack was injured after emptying his Webley into the alien, with little effect, and Ianto was forced to use an unforgivable curse for the first time in his life when his gun proved ineffectual, as well.

He apparated with Jack to the Ministry to give his report in person, feeling that the circumstances warranted it.  Kingsley was glad Ianto had decided to do this, as the young man was clearly unhappy at having been forced to use the _avada kedavra_ curse.  He and Harry debriefed Ianto and Jack, and the wizards were able to support Ianto in his decision to use the curse to protect his teammates.

Ianto was not sure he would have been quite as upset, had he simply been able to shoot the creature dead.  It was the nature and history of the unforgivable curses that had him feeling a bit ill at being forced to resort to one of them.  However, he was well aware that Owen and Tosh may not have survived, had he not acted.

Once the debriefing was done, Kingsley took Ianto to task for his reckless freefall apparition from Mount Snowdon, two weeks before.  Ianto patiently endured the arse-chewing, noting to himself that it closely resembled those he’d received from Professors Sprout and McGonagall after almost every quidditch match he’d ever played.  He refused to make eye contact with Harry, knowing that laughing would only annoy Kingsley.

When he was dismissed, he and Jack returned to the hub to get cleaned up and change for the wedding.  Tosh and Owen had gone ahead, and so Ianto apparated with Jack to the venue (thankfully, he had been there before) just before the ceremony began.

It was a lovely wedding, and it went off without a hitch.  As her boss, Jack felt obliged to dance with the bride, and Ianto endured her making cow eyes at Jack for as long as he could before cutting in.  Jack chuckled in his ear (relieved they had reached a point that they could laugh about it), even as Ianto threatened to turn him into a duck.

Jack was able to admit that weddings always made him feel maudlin, so Ianto left him to himself that evening to indulge his nostalgia.  The next day, Ianto helped to raise Jack’s spirits by taking him to a remote area for a picnic.  Once they had eaten, he took Jack up on his broom, which pleased the immortal no end. 

After some sketchy flying and a great deal of laughter, they collapsed back onto the picnic blanket, and Ianto asked Jack to tell him about those lost beloveds who had been on his mind, after the wedding.  Jack spent hours quietly telling Ianto about each of his lost loves.  As the sun set, Ianto took him home and loved on him until there was no room in his heart for sorrow.

***

In an effort to have a fresh start, Ianto invited Gwen and Owen to the opening of the Electro the week after Gwen returned from her honeymoon.  Thus began an extremely unnerving case.  The team was more used to aliens than phantasmagoria, but they rose to the occasion, nonetheless.

The Night Travelers’ shadows had brushed past Ianto as they had escaped, and it had unsettled him, and possibly his magic.  He insisted he was fine, but he was particularly on edge.  Jack kept him close as they researched and investigated so he could keep an eye on him. 

Jack wondered what Ianto knew about Providence Park.  The way the wizard had reacted when the nurse had mentioned it told Jack there was a story to be told, but he knew not to push, just then. 

Ianto had taken the flask from the Ghostmaker and apparated to the hospital, where he returned the last breaths to each of the victims.  When he apparated back to the Electro to return the last two breaths, the Ghostmaker had attacked him, but Jack caught him on film and then exposed it before he could do any damage. 

Despite the win – the Doctor would have crowed, “Everybody lives!” – Jack could see that the Night Travelers had upset Ianto.  Knowing that they needed to let the case go and move on, he lured Ianto into his bunker that night and focused intently on the younger man’s pleasure.  He kept Ianto on edge far longer than he normally would, going for intensity over quantity, this time. 

Jack was buried deep inside his lover as he brought Ianto off.   The force of Ianto’s climax had him crying out, and Jack felt the surge of magic fill his body and then the room with wave after wave of power.  Jack came so hard he almost passed out.  He collapsed on top of Ianto, feeling the magic tingling against his skin as it dissipated.

When he could hold a coherent thought in his head once more, he realized that every electrical circuit in the bunker and Jack’s office above was blown.  He made his way into the ensuite and retrieved a damp flannel.  Once he had cleaned up himself and Ianto, he crawled back into the bed, deciding that the circuits could bloody well wait.

He lay down on his back and pulled his very pliant lover close.  Ianto purred and draped himself across Jack’s body, settling against him.  “Jack,” he whispered.  Jack felt him draw breath and then his body tensed.  Ianto shook his head and then sighed against Jack’s chest. 

Jack smoothed his hand down Ianto’s spine.  He wondered how long Ianto would keep holding back.  Jack didn’t need for him to say the words.  And yet he wanted him to.  Which was selfish.  The reason Ianto was holding back was because Jack couldn’t bring himself to say them.  Ianto didn’t want to force Jack’s hand, so he was going against his own nature, for Jack’s comfort. 

Jack sighed.  “What am I going to do with you, Ianto Jones?”

Ianto gave another purr, then mumbled, “Perhaps we should make a list.”

Jack chuckled as Ianto gave a sigh and surrendered to sleep.

***

“I specifically told you no!” Jack thundered.  “You violated a direct order.  What the hell were you thinking?” 

“She wasn’t going to stop, Jack,” Ianto heard his voice rising and took a deep breath.  “You know she wasn’t going to let it go.”

“But there was no way she was ever going to find Flat Holm.  She would never have connected that dot, and you just fucking handed it to her!”  Jack took a deep breath and told himself to stop shouting.  He shook his head, confused.  “Why would you do that?  Why would you help Gwen?  I mean, I know you’ve been trying to let things smooth out between you, but why would you help her, when you disapprove of her methods?”

“Jack, she may not have found Flat Holm, but she would have reopened every one of those investigations.  She would have gone to each of those families.  She would have reopened old wounds and poured salt into them.  This way, the damage was limited to the one person she had already interfered with.”

Jack just stared.  He knew Ianto was right, but that did little to assuage his anger.

“Jack, I disagree with you about these families.  I think we should give them a body to bury and let them mourn and move on.  You don’t want to do that, and I respect your decision, even though I don’t understand it.  But I cannot abide the thought of tormenting these families, on top of not offering them closure that is within our power to give.  It’s one step too far.”

Ianto sighed.  “And you’re right.  I don’t approve of her methods.  She’s insubordinate and headstrong and can be bloody annoying.  And she wouldn’t have stopped.  You know this.  She said as much.  And she would have revictimized those families.  This way, the damage she did was limited.”

Jack sighed.  “And what about Nikki Bevan?”

“I saw her today.  I offered Retcon.  She refused, so I had her sign the Official Secrets document.”

Jack was slowly calming.  “I know you don’t understand why, but I just wanted to protect her.”

Ianto nodded.  “I know.  But Jack, keeping someone in the dark is not the way to protect them.  You could have told her about negative rift spikes, and about Flat Holm, and still protected her from actually seeing any of it.  But the knowledge may have helped her to drop the case.”

“You think so?” Jack frowned.  He wasn’t sure Gwen was that rational or reasonable, when she was on one of her crusades.

“It doesn’t help that you allow her to disobey your orders,” Ianto added quietly, knowing this would take the argument in a more personal direction.

“You disobeyed my orders.  What should I do about that?” Jack’s annoyance flared, proving Ianto right.

Ianto shrugged, feeling defeated.  “It was not my intention to betray you, Jack.  But I had to do what I thought was right.  You know that I will take whatever consequences you demand.  I would think suspension, but I would also understand if you wanted to end my tour.”  It galled Ianto to think that he had once again risked everything, apparently in support of one of Gwen’s obsessions. 

But it was precisely that, Jack realized, that made Ianto’s point for him.  This was about Ianto standing by his convictions.  And he was right.  Jack huffed.  “I’m not going to suspend you, Ianto.”

“And where does that leave us?” Ianto asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Jack said harshly.  “Just because you didn’t set out to betray me, doesn’t mean that isn’t what happened.” Jack growled in frustration.  “Go home, Ianto.  Just let me be.”

“Okay, Jack.  Goodnight,” Ianto stepped forward and kissed Jack on the cheek.  “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he whispered.

Jack shivered at the warmth of Ianto’s breath on his cheek.  In the next instant, he was kissing Ianto, manhandling him towards his desk.

“Jack,” Ianto gasped, confused. 

“Not a word,” Jack growled, going for Ianto’s belt as he bit his neck, marking him. 

Ianto moaned and in the next moment, he was returning Jack’s kiss, pushing his braces off his shoulders, and unbuckling his belt.  Jack’s trousers were undone and around his ankles within seconds.  He was going commando, which made Ianto’s mouth water.  But when he reached for Jack’s erection, his hand was slapped away. 

Jack turned the younger man around and pushed him roughly down onto his desk.  He tugged Ianto’s trousers and pants down, just far enough.  He lifted Ianto’s shirttail and leaned forward, biting Ianto again.  Harder, this time, if the whine of protest was anything to go by.  He felt an almost feral heat rise within him.  Without preparation or preamble, he lined himself up and shoved into Ianto, biting his lip at the discomfort and causing the younger man to cry out. 

“Jack, stop!  Give me a minute.  You’re hurting me,” Ianto struggled beneath Jack, but he was pinned to the desk by an elbow in his back and a hand clamped around his hip.  His mind blanked at the pain and shock of Jack being so callous.

Jack leaned back over Ianto, thrusting.  “You have a safe word,” he reminded Ianto as he bit him again and set a brutal pace.  “Use it, and I’ll stop.”

“I-I c-can’t…” Ianto cried out again, unable to finish the sentence.  Jack had given him a safe word, well over a year ago.  It was neither English nor Welsh, and it had become a joke, because Ianto had never needed to use it, before.  And now, he couldn’t get the words out that he could not remember the only thing that would make Jack stop, at this point.

“You going to safe word on me, after all this time?” Jack mocked as he poured all of his anger and hurt out.  This was exactly what he needed, to exorcise the sense of betrayal he felt.  And he knew Ianto understood, because he was just taking it.  Actually, he was pleading for Jack to stop, but they had come to an understanding long ago that the only thing that would stop any sort of rough play was the safe word.  Some random thought in the back of his mind had him wondering what Ianto’s safe word was.  He couldn’t remember, but he figured he’d recognize it, if he heard it.

It was hard and fast and ugly and angry, and soon Jack was groaning through his release and collapsing onto Ianto’s back.  The younger man was trembling, and Jack smiled.  Time to reward him by bringing him off.  He pulled out of Ianto, smacking his arse as he pulled up his trousers.  “Can I give you a hand there, Ianto?”

Ianto was moving slowly and deliberately.  He shook his head as he set his clothing to rights, keeping his back turned to Jack.  Jack stepped around to look at him, and saw no sign of arousal as Ianto buckled his belt.  Looking up, Jack saw him hastily swiping tears from his face.  “Ianto?”

“Will there be anything else, Sir?”  His face was a blank mask.

Jack swallowed.  “Talk to me, Ianto.  You didn’t use your safe word, so I thought you were alright.”

Ianto nodded.  “I know.  But I couldn’t remember it.”

Jack felt ill.  “And you would have used it, if you had.”  Not a question.  _Fuck._

Ianto did not answer.  “Doesn’t matter, now.  I think I’ll take that suspension, though.”

“Ianto…”

“I’ll do the paperwork and dock my pay, when I get back.”  He pulled out his wand.  A stream of grey mist was pouring from the end, showing the extent of his discomposure.

“Ianto,” Jack reached out, but Ianto shied from his touch.

“I’ll see you Monday, Sir.”  He disapparated.

***

The next morning, Jack brought in coffee after spending the entire night brooding on a rooftop.  He felt no better.  His anger was gone, and in its place was a remorse so strong he felt ill. 

“Jack, we can’t find Ianto,” Tosh said as he entered.  “His car is here, but he’s nowhere in the hub.”

Jack handed out coffees.  “I’ve suspended him for the rest of the week,” he said grimly.  It was better than the truth, that to his mind, he’d practically raped his lover, who clearly now needed to not see Jack’s face for a few days.  Perhaps ever again.  He shuddered at the thought.

As expected, Gwen challenged him.  “How could you do that, Jack?” she demanded.  “He was only trying to help.”

“Yes, and he knew that in doing so, he was being insubordinate.”  He looked around.  “Conference room, everyone.  Now.”

He sat everyone down and explained to them about negative rift spikes, about Torchwood’s ignominious history of dealing with its victims before Jack took over, and about Flat Holm.  Tosh was surprised.  Owen was angry he hadn’t been read in.  As a doctor, he felt he could have been doing more to help.

“And Wizard Boy clued in Gwen, so you suspended him?”  Owen looked confused, on more than one count.

“Yes.  And it’s brought to light a broader problem that needs to be addressed.”  Jack turned to Gwen.  “Ianto gave you that information because he knew you’d keep digging and hurt more families, and his conscience could not bear it.”

“What?” Gwen looked indignant.

“He was right,” Tosh agreed.  Owen was nodding, as well.  “Gwen, your passion is wonderful, but sometimes you don’t know when to let things go.”

“How was I meant to know?” she sputtered.

“By listening to me,” Jack sighed.  “Gwen, you need to learn the difference between constructive discussion and insubordination.  When I give an order, I expect it to be followed.  And I should not have to explain every order to you.  You need to trust that I know what I’m doing, or at the very least that I have more information than you, and am making a more informed decision.”

Gwen sat back, her arms crossed over her chest.  “But you hired me because you need someone to remind you…”

“I am so _fucking_ _tired_ of hearing that!” Owen shouted, slamming his hands down on the table and making everyone jump as he rose to his feet and faced down Gwen.  “Do you have any idea how insulting it is, that you think you’re better than us, more _human_ , somehow?  Well let me tell you, darlin’ we’ve all been through shit you couldn’t even imagine.  And yeah, that may make us harder, but if anything it makes us more human than you, because we know first-hand about the suffering we see.”

Gwen gaped at him.  Jack thanked Owen and Toshiko and dismissed them from the meeting.  “Gwen, this issue has highlighted the fact that you have an issue with following orders.  I’m with Tosh, your passion is powerful.  But you need to learn how to discern when to push and when to let it go.”

“Even Ianto agreed with me,” she protested.

“No, he didn’t.  He was trying to limit the damage you could do, because he knew you weren’t going to let this go.”

Gwen opened her mouth to argue, but Jack held up his hand.

“Can you honestly say you made it better, by plowing ahead on this?  Is Nikki Bevan better off, because you stepped in?”

Gwen’s mouth snapped shut.  She could not reply in the affirmative, but she would not admit the negative, either.

“I’m suspending you without pay,” Jack went on, when it became obvious she was not going to answer.  When she opened her mouth to object, he held up a hand.  “You are constantly questioning my orders, and I cannot have it, anymore.  Either you are a part of this team, or you’re not.  And if you’re going to be a part of the team, you need to listen to me.”

“And if I don’t agree with your orders?  I can’t just blindly follow, Jack.”

“Do you honestly think that’s what the others do?” Jack asked incredulously.

Gwen blinked.  Once again, she could not answer in the affirmative.

“If you think I don’t have all of the information, then by all means, talk to me.  The professional way to do this would be the way the others do – in private.  Not in front of your coworkers, and certainly not in front of outsiders.  Your lack of professionalism only serves to undermine my authority, which I will no longer tolerate.  But if I have more information than you do, you need to decide whether or not you can trust my judgment.  If you can, follow the order.  If not, maybe it’s time for you to consider another job.”

“Jack!” she exclaimed.  “You can’t be serious.”

“I am not only serious, but I am being completely reasonable, here.  If you think of it objectively, you will see that.  Now,” he pushed back from the table.  “Pack up and leave.  Report back on Monday.”

Gwen stood, her face red.  “You’re only doing this to me because you did it to Ianto,” she seethed.  “What, did he demand that you do this, so he wouldn’t be the only one?”

Jack turned back to her, his face stony.  “Ianto Jones is a consummate professional.  He respects my decisions, and he did not defy my orders lightly.  He all but suspended himself, without any reference to you.  It is _my_ sense of fairness that demands at least the same penalty for you.”  He was in her personal space now, and if there was any doubt before about his anger, there could be none, now.

When Gwen stepped back, he reconsidered.  “Actually, Gwen, it was your stubbornness and refusal to listen to me that caused all of this.  I’m making it five days.  Don’t come back until Wednesday.”

“What?”  She looked shocked.  “Jack…”

Jack cut her off.  “Keep arguing, and it’ll be the following Monday.”

Gwen left the office in a huff.  As she stomped out of the hub, Jack came out of the conference room.  He went to Toshiko’s workstation, where she and Owen were talking.  “I’ve suspended Gwen until next Wednesday.  I’m sorry, but that’s going to make extra work for you two.”

“That’s all right, Jack,” Tosh said, smiling.  “I’m… I’m glad you’re addressing how she argues about everything.”  She blushed.  “And according to my predictions, it looks to be a quiet week.”

“That’s good news,” Jack said.

***

Jack could hardly focus on his work, the rest of the day.  But he had promised himself to give Ianto time before going to him and begging his forgiveness.  He felt sick at the idea that this could very well be something that would end their fledgling relationship.

At seven o’clock, he was at Ianto’s door with his favorite Indian takeaway and the hope that he would let Jack in.  After knocking several times, he let himself in with his key.  He opened the door and called out, but got no response. 

He saw Ianto’s wallet and phone on the table by the door, and assumed Ianto was in the flat, but the place felt empty.  Not even Cerridwen was there.  The window had been left open (and charmed to protect against the weather and anything other than the owl).  Jack moved to Ianto’s bedroom, concerned.  “Ianto?” he called out again.  Where would he go without his phone or wallet?

He knew the answer, of course. 

When he reached the bedroom, he was surprised to see Ianto’s suit dumped unceremoniously on the floor.  That was out of character, as were the half-open drawers and stray belongings strewn about.  Jack checked the spare bedroom, and the desk drawer where he knew Ianto kept his wizarding money was ajar.  With a stab of trepidation, he opened the desk drawer a bit wider and gave a sigh of relief to see that Ianto had not taken all of his money with him. 

Surely that must mean he planned to return…  Jack shook aside the thought and the fear it inspired and set about tidying the flat.  At least Ianto would not have to endure any sort of mess, when he returned. 

He had scrubbed the place from top to bottom and was seriously considering starting again when Cerridwen returned, and an idea formed.  He went to Ianto’s desk and pulled out parchment, ink and pen and began to write…

***

Ianto apparated home from the hub and immediately collapsed onto the floor by his front door curling into a ball and weeping.  He wasn’t certain how long he lay there; everything hurt, and he was not inclined to move.  And for once, he did not even blame himself for the tears.  This day could not have been more horrible. 

Bloody Gwen!  He should have kept out of it. 

But he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t bear the thought of her tormenting those innocent families, who had already endured so much.  And Jack…

Ianto curled tighter and attempted to blank his mind, but it continued to race.  He needed to get away from here.  Gods, what if Jack tried to see him?  He couldn’t bear the thought, at the moment.  He sobbed as he got himself to his feet. 

He stripped, dropping his suit to the floor and not caring that the jacket was still at the hub, or that he should hang up the trousers and waistcoat, to keep them from wrinkling.  He stumbled to the bathroom and started the shower.  He threw his toothbrush and razor and some other essentials into his shaving kit from under the sink while waiting for the water to warm.

He stood under the shower until it turned cold.  He tried not to look at the bruises on his hips.  He hissed as he found the bite marks on his neck and shoulder as he toweled dry.  And he wasn’t entirely certain he’d ever be able to sit, again. 

This was how he’d always imagined sex with a man would be – rough and excruciating.  But Jack had always shown him such indescribable pleasure; it made this pain that much more shocking. 

He couldn’t stop shaking.  He knew it was his body’s response to the shock of what had happened.  Intellectually, he knew that Jack would have stopped, if only Ianto could have remembered the bloody fucking word.  And if he could have remembered the word, he wouldn’t have panicked, and it wouldn’t have hurt quite as badly, and he probably wouldn’t have even needed it.

The irony was not lost on him. 

Still.  He needed some time to himself.  He needed to calm down.  He needed to disappear for a few days.

He threw some jeans and jumpers into a bag, along with socks and pants and his shaving kit.  He dressed in something loose and comfortable, grabbed a small sack full of galleons and then left one of the windows open with a fresh charm to make it appear closed to everyone but Cerridwen, and another to protect his flat from the elements.  He gave her a stroke and told her she would be on her own for a few days, then disapparated.

He went to the Hog’s Head.  He knew he could rely on Aberforth Dumbledore’s discretion.  No one was in the pub when he entered, and he asked the old man for a room. 

Aberforth looked him over, noting the shaking hands and the hoodie pulled up to hide his features.  “You all right, boy?” 

“Bloody Torchwood,” Ianto gave a brittle grin, glad it wasn’t a secret in the wizarding world.  It was as good an excuse as any, and not like it wasn’t mostly true.  “Need to lay low and get my head on straight.”

Aberforth gave him the stink eye, knowing he wasn’t getting the whole story.  He remembered this kid.  Knew that not much could shake him.  He wondered what could have happened, but then realized it was none of his concern.  “Just don’t be bringing any aliens to my establishment,” he groused, handing Ianto the key to one of his better rooms.

Ianto felt he could safely promise not to do so, and gave a relieved smile as he handed Aberforth the galleons.  “I don’t suppose you have a sleeping potion handy,” he asked hesitantly, sliding another galleon back and forth along the bar thoughtfully.

Aberforth huffed and took the galleon, then turned away.  Ianto hunched as a couple of wizards entered, hailing Aberforth and eyeing him.  He cursed himself for not donning a set of robes.  Aberforth turned back to Ianto with a small tray.  It held a bottle of firewhisky, a glass, and a small potion bottle.  At Ianto’s raised eyebrow, he shrugged.  “It’ll enhance the potion.  Won’t hurt you to mix them, long as you don’t make it a habit.”

Ianto took the tray and headed to his room.  He spent a quarter hour using cleaning charms to get rid of the dust, changing the linens to something finer, and freshening the room, in general.  Then he hit the firewhisky, drinking five glasses in such quick succession that he felt lightheaded before he could swallow the last of the fifth glass.  It was then he remembered he hadn’t eaten since breakfast.  He quickly stripped and climbed into the bed, swallowing the potion and waiting for something akin to oblivion.

***

Ianto slept for twenty hours.  When he woke, he could barely move without pain.  He headed down to the pub and was glad to see it was almost empty, again, with no one he recognized there.  He still had his hoodie up.

“You look like a dragon ate you, partially digested you, and then vomited you back up,” Aberforth said good-naturedly.  He set a plate of eggs on toast in front of Ianto with a pointed look.  Ianto knew he would have to eat at least a portion of the food if he was going to be allowed to keep the rest of the firewhisky and get another sleeping potion.

He stood at the bar and managed to eat about half of it, and Aberforth seemed satisfied.  Ianto gave him a galleon and he handed over another potion bottle.  Ianto returned to his room and bathed as he repeated the recipe from the night before – five glasses of firewhisky (bloody hell, he hated the stuff!) and then the potion.

***

When he next woke it was past noon and Cerridwen was perched on the dresser, a letter tied to her leg.  Ianto felt dizzy and weak and gave her a stroke before heading down to eat, knowing it would not do to annoy Aberforth Dumbledore by collapsing in his inn. 

He managed to choke down slightly more of the eggs on toast, this time, but he still couldn’t manage to finish it.  If Aberforth was curious why Ianto wouldn’t sit down, he did not show it, and Ianto was grateful.  He made his way back up to his room, where Cerridwen was patiently waiting for him.  “So how did you come by a letter for me?” he wondered aloud as he took the scroll from her.  He had to sit down ( _fuck!_ ) when he unrolled it and recognized Jack’s old fashioned scrawl.

***

_Ianto –_

_There is so much I need to apologize for.  But let me start with my profound regrets about the other night.  I should have checked in, before we started, to be sure you knew your word.  I am so ashamed, that I did not realize.  You are always so gifted, when it comes to anticipating what I might need, and that night, I just assumed you knew that I needed to cast off my anger._

_That I did so without your true consent sickens me, and I can only beg your forgiveness and pray to whatever is still sacred in this universe that you can find a way to grant it._

_You will either be amused or find it an additional violation that, when I came to your flat to check on you and found you gone, I began cleaning it.  I think I understand now why you find it so soothing._

_In the spirit of fairness, I have suspended Gwen for insubordination.  She will return next Wednesday, as I felt her misconduct outstripped yours.  By a far greater margin, but we shall leave it at five days, as compared to your three, which I do not feel you deserved, at all, though I understand why you need them._

_You were right, of course.  This whole mess could have been prevented, had I been wiser in how I approached it… and had I not indulged Gwen’s stubbornness at every turn, until now.  Owen and Toshiko weighed in when I told them about Flat Holm and informed Gwen that her behavior will no longer be tolerated.  I am hoping that the air is now clear and that we can move forward as a stronger team._

_I hope you are all right.  If you are willing, I would appreciate it if you could let me know that.  I know I hurt you, but I don’t know how badly, so I am more worried about you than I can express._

_I miss you, Ianto.  Last night was the first night we have slept apart since the Pharm.  I missed having you in my arms, plastered against my skin.  Your pale, cool, beautiful skin always soothes me, as does the sound of your breathing and that little purring noise you make when you stretch and settle yourself just a bit closer to me.  I miss all of it.  Your Welsh vowels, that soft smile, your taste, your touch…_

_I hope you’re all right.  I hope you can forgive me.  I hope you come home soon._

_Your most faithful idiot,_

_Jack_

***

Ianto read through the letter four times before composing a reply and sending Cerridwen on her way. He then padded over to his bed and lay down, his mind finally calm and blank.  After sleeping for a few hours, he ate a slightly more substantial dinner and asked for another potion.

“Last one you’re gettin’, boy,” Aberforth growled as he pocketed the galleon and handed Ianto the bottle.

“Last one I’ll ask for,” Ianto replied. 

***

It was late Thursday evening when Jack let himself into Ianto’s flat.  He saw Cerridwen on her perch and immediately ran to her, gently taking the letter from her outstretched leg.  His heart was beating double-time as he unrolled it and began to read.

***

_Jack –_

_I am all right.  Bruised and sore, and I’m not sure when I might be able to sit properly again, but there is no need to worry._

_And please put your mind at ease.  I was a very willing partner in our encounter the other evening, and though most likely I would have stopped it if I could have, I claim my part of the responsibility for not remembering the bloody word._

_Truth be told, I still don’t remember it._

_Of course I forgive you, though the truth of the matter is, there is nothing to forgive.  How many times have we played, and I’ve begged you to stop as a way of egging you on?  How were you to know I’d forgotten the word?_

_If indeed I ever knew it…_

_I miss you too.  But I hope you understand that I can’t see you, just yet.  Even though I really don’t blame you, something inside of me broke when I couldn’t get you to stop, and I need to let it mend, or I will always feel like some sort of victim.  And I cannot allow that.  I hope you can understand._

_That said, I need more time, so I am taking next week, as well.  I will return to work one week from Monday.  I intend to return to Cardiff the day before.  Rift willing, perhaps we can speak, then – will you meet me at my flat at 1500?_

_Your most forgetful idiot,_

_Ianto_

***

Jack wiped the tears from his face.  Ianto was too good, too kind, too forgiving.  That he didn’t blame Jack eased his mind, if only slightly.  That he did not hold back or gloss over the bruises and soreness, and was so clear in stating what he needed right now, made Jack proud.  He thought perhaps there had been a time that Ianto would have returned as originally planned, despite feeling broken and victimized.

Jack felt heartsick at the thought that he had done something to break his beautiful wizard.  His shame was all-consuming.  He wished he could take it all back, but they could only move forward, now.  It had been a terrible error, but not a malicious one.  If Ianto could forgive him, then maybe they still had a chance. 

He reached for a piece of parchment and began writing his reply...

***

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear, this was not rape or non-con. It's an unfortunate case of dub-con, because Ianto didn't remember his safe word, and Jack didn't realize that Ianto's distress wasn't part of the game.
> 
> Jack's all about the enthusiasm of his lovers, so the idea that Ianto turned out to be less than willing will likely take him longer to get past than Ianto.
> 
> The "Adrift" coda just stomped in this morning and demanded to be written. I actually debated about posting it, because it's darker than I expected this fic to go, but... here it is.
> 
> Feedback more than welcome. :)


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